The Meathead

I think it's safe to say that when a woman has a date, she thinks long and hard about what she wears and how she looks. We spend quite a bit of time putting together the "perfect outfit". We want to look sexy but not easy, sophisticated but not snobby and comfortable but not too casual. Many of us buy something new for a "big date" or spend extra time carefully applying just the right amount of makeup. What you wear is a huge part of  the first impression you make and a first date with someone is all about making the right impression and scoring a second date.

I met the meathead in the same manor I meet most of my dates, online. Going into the date I knew he was short, very physically active and enjoyed the gym. He even worked for a consulting company that worked specifically with gyms across the country. Clearly, physical fitness was a big part of his life. However, I was not prepared for what I opened the door to. He was a bit short than I anticipated (was actually an inch taller than myself, if that) and I was thankfully I took off the heels I had planned to wear and opted for flats. The height didn't bother me but boy his outfit did. In typical meathead fashion he had on a tight, shiny, red mockneck shirt pair with jeans tightly cinched at the waist. He walked with a "my muscles are so big my arms can't touch the side of my body" swagger. I'm not sure what stopped him from flexing and kissing his biceps, but I'm glad he didn't. All in all I enjoyed his company and it was a nice night, but he was way more into himself than I could stomach. If this night had a theme song, it would have been "I'm too sexy" by Right said Fred.

Since the date I've wondered though, do some women find the "meathead" look attractive? Do men think about their outfit choice and what it says about them before getting dressed to go out? I'd like to think they put some measure of thought into it but who knows.

Publix Guy

A few days ago I was at my local grocery store, Publix to be exact, and I ran into the man I have always called "Publix guy". He's called Publix guy because we met there and, if you didn't know any better, you'd think it's the only place either of us ever went since we always seem to run into each other there.

The first time I met Publix guy was over a year ago. My oldest child and I were at the store to get ice cream for our movie night and while in the ice cream aisle, we ran into Publix guy and his son. We both stood there trying to decide what ice cream flavor to get and ended up in a 15 minute conversation regarding the kids, local schools and Kiss.....I'm still not sure how we went from elementary school teachers to the band Kiss but it happened. We talked our way to, and through, the checkout. I was sure he was interested and when we walked to the parking lot and he didn't ask for my number I was a tad miffed (my kid even commented "He was flirting with you mom!") but got in the car, watched him drive off and headed across the street to the drugstore for Jujube's (it was movie night after all!).

About a week later I was, once again, at Publix and as I drove out of the parking lot I saw Publix guy pulling out. We were going to dinner and half way to the restaurant my kid says "I think that guy from Publix last week is following us"......and he was in fact! He'd seen us in the parking lot too and apologized for not having the courage to ask for my number the week before and we exchanged numbers. We met for drinks a few times and seemed to get along well. A couple weeks after exchanging numbers I was reading a local publications "I saw you" ad's and half way through read one that was about me! Written by Publix guy! I asked him about it and apparently he wrote it and sent it in before he saw me leaving the Publix parking lot. I thought it was kinda cute that he was that interested in me and thought "Hey, if this works out it will make a really cool story".

Of course that didn't happen. As it turns out Publix guy was going through a divorce which was strike one. He also seemed a little needy which was strike two. Strike three, and the biggest nail in his coffin, was his blatant sexism and preference for his son over his daughter. It was so bad the when he was talking to me about the visitation he was writing into is divorce decree he told me he was having it written than he gets his son every weekend and his daughter only one a month! There were allot of red flags the more I heard about his relationship with his kids and it just wasn't something I could get past. If he he was willing to show that much favoritism with his own kids, how was he going to treat mine if things worked out?

The Reject Letter....

                It used to be, and occasionally this will still happen,  that when you interviewed for a job and the company you interviewed with decided not to hire you, you would receive a rejection letter in the mail. It would usually say something long the lines of "Dear Applicant, Thank you for your interest in the (name of job) position at (name of company). We have reviewed your application, and unfortunately we are unable to offer you a position at this time. Should you find another open position that suits your interest, you would be welcome to submit an application in the future. We wish you the best of luck in your job search.". This was a nice way of saying that you either didn't qualify, you didn't do well in the interview or they found another applicant to be better for the job than you. There could be several reasons they made this decision but it comes down to the fact they didn't like you for one reason or another.

             How exactly does this apply to a blog about dating you ask? Since you want to know, I'll tell you! I "met" a guy on a dating  site a couple days ago, we'll call him "Half Marathon Man". We exchanged a few emails through the site and then exchanged our regular email addresses. After a few of those he suggested a phone call and gave me his number. Through texts we agreed on a time to talk. He called me that night and we had a perfectly pleasant conversation and were on the phone for a little over an hour. The next afternoon I receive this in my inbox on the dating site: "Hey, Just wanted to thank you for your time last night. I appreciate your kindness, but I'm not feeling like I have a connection. I wish you the absolute best in your search. Some guy will be fortunate to have you. :)". It's a dating reject letter! In all my years of dating, and there have been many, this is the first dating reject letter I have received. Of course my initial reaction was to feel slighted but really, I didn't feel any connection either. He was a nice guy and we had a nice conversation but there was no spark, no real interest in him. So getting the reject letter was no big deal.

          However, it did make me think. Why don't more people send dating reject letters? It's certainly more polite than just ignoring someone or trying to slowly cut contact. It may sting in the beginning but really, it's like ripping off a band aid. It's better just to get it over with and let someone know your not interested. Too many guys (and to be fair some women) like to pussy foot around the issue because they don't want to hurt someones feelings but, as shown above, it is possible to let someone down and still be polite.

The Count....

When I met the Count I had just joined a free online dating site. I didn't really think I would meet any serious guys given that it was a free site but at the same time figured....you never know.  He was 41, divorced just over a year with 2 kids, including a son about the same age as my oldest son.  After a few emails back and forth, I felt like the Count and I had enough common interest to keep talking and it was a bonus that he lived in the same large neighborhood as me. We even discovered we had lived in the same neighborhoods a few times in the past. On our first meeting we went on a run and it seemed refreshing that I met someone that was willing to get out and be active with me and didn't seem to mind that the first time we met face to face, I was covered in sweat! He was quite the charmer...always saying the right things, helped my son with a few football pointers since he coached football, and appearing to genuine about wanting to get to know me. He would come over often since we lived near each other and at times even brought me lunch for work the next day. He seemed wonderful and I really liked him. There was always a little nagging feeling that some things didn't add up. He didn't seem to spend much time with his kids, didn't talk about them allot and was evasive about certain things regarding his divorce. Well, I did what any smart woman would do with placed in this situation....I googled him! Now, I don't like to brag or anything, but I'm pretty good at finding out what I want to know and this situation was no different. I was able to get his ex-wifes name and found that she worked in real estate and even had a short personal profile telling potential clients a little about herself....including the fact that she had four kids. Four kids? The Count said two....a girl in High school and a boy in Jr. high. Hmmmm. Lucky for me she worked for the same real estate office as a friend....who said she knew who she was and often brought her young kids to work.

When I asked the Count about this he denied, denied, denied having more than  2 kids. Until I mentioned that my friend works with his ex-wife, at which time he turned on the dramatics about not just asking him upfront and how I opened fresh wounds and the 2 youngest weren't really his blah, blah, blah. He was seriously trying to turn his lie into something that was MY fault. Sorry buddy, not going to happen. I think I'll hold out for a man who can remember how many kids he has!

I've also decided it's not good to trust a guy that swears your hot when you just got done running  3.5 miles in Florida's summer heat and are standing on the side walk sweating buckets. No good can come of that.

One...one kids ha ha ha! Two...two kids ha ha ha! Three...three kids ha ha ha! Four...four kids ha ha ha!

What this planet needs is more mistletoe and less missile-talk. ~Author Unknown

This is how it usually starts....I'm sitting at a table talking to a friend or two and one of them will ask the question "So.....How did your date go?". While the story changes, the ending is almost always the same. My friends end up in peels of laughter over my latest dating debacle and proclaim that I really should be writing this stuff down. So here I am, blogging about all the situations that make me want to tell a man to "Pucker up and Kiss it".

Let's face it, no matter what your age, dating isn't always fun. In fact, I'd have to equate dating to war. Consider a man and a woman opposing countries, each of which is interested in the others natural resources. We want what they have but we know they aren't just going to hand it over to us. So we spend our time feeling out each others foreign policies, negotiating fair trade standards and showcasing our countries terrain to it's visitor all in the hope that both countries will come to a compromise on how best to share their resources and live in peace for all eternity. The reality, however, is that one of those countries will end up betraying the others trust, will be less than truthful about the true status of the countries stats or possible even attempting to share it's resources with a 2rd country without the 1st finding out. The result is usually the slighted country tossing a grenade into the enemy camp and then all hell breaks loose. Both countries loose faith in the other, the hurt feeling fester and any talks of a peaceful negotiation are over. Of course it doesn't stop their. Once a country has been attacked it's likely that it will carry battle scars with it to all future negotiations with foreign countries, thus impeding any progress towards peace that could have been made.

As in war, Men and Women will spend hours trying to guess each others next move or find the underlying motivation in the others decisions. Of course Women do this more then Men. So these are my war stories, my battle scars. They are sometimes scary, sometimes sad and about 90 percent of the time funny as hell.....after the fact of course. So welcome to my personal mission to conquer another country.....or maybe just annihilate one beyond recognition!